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I’ve been doing more around the house, including more of the chores, more of the cooking and doing all my own laundry. I’ve also started riding my bike several times a week and I am trying to work up to riding my bike to work instead of driving. I feel better about myself for everything I do.

See more progress on: be less lazy

Good Enough

For a while, I’ve had the goal of being well respected. This goal is not really compatible with another of my goals, stop looking for external motivation. It also isn’t very honest with myself. As I’ve grown into myself recently, I’ve accepted that I am well respected by the people I care about. My integrity and passion express themselves almost daily and it shows.

I’ve marked this goal complete, not because I have directly achieved it but because I have realized I never needed to and because it is incidental to what should be, and what is, important to me.

See more progress on: be well respected

Something is wrong with me. Something important. Something that is slowly destroying my relationship with mankind. I don't understand what it is and I don't know what to do about it but I can feel it happening. It is building like a pressure, all the rage, anger, frustration, disappointment, ready to blow and take my peace of mind with it.

If I know you, in most cases, I generally like you. There are not many people I dislike in person. But there is a threshold I don't comprehend and below which a person is not a person but a representative of humanity. I don't like humanity. Perhaps I am missing faith but to me humanity is evil. I don't know how it got that way but humanity generates atrocity after atrocity and my resentment for that is so strong that it colors everything around me.

I don't know how to change but I want to know. All this anonymous rage is unhealthy and I need to reduce it and hopefully prevent it. If you have any ideas, please let me know.

On Pride and Meekness

To summarize our conversation to date, pride is enmity to god or fellow humans. Enmity to god is the failure to listen to the plan he has for us by listening to our thoughts instead. Enmity to fellow man is putting ourselves above others. The discussion leading up to these short definitions was long and laborious for I am slow and Pat is patient.

We left off with Pat's attempt to help me understand meekness.

When two people have thoughtful conversations, many things can happen. When those two people are Pat Eyler and Sean Carley, they start a blog, and here it is. You can expect the labyrinths of thought to be deep and complex, though if you came looking for good architecture, you might be in the wrong place.